Something is not right

Day 1

Something is not right.

How exactly is this happiness thing supposed to work? I haven’t tried too many things sure, but not too many things have come to my mind that seem reasonably ‘happy’ things to do!

Day 2

Something is not right.

How exactly is this happiness thing supposed to work? Maybe if I learn to play some musical instrument… Guitar sounds great… and the cool thing to know. Maybe if I play it to myself I’ll be happy. But I have tried that, haven’t I? Was I terribly excited doing that? Can’t remember.

Day 3

Something is not right.

How exactly is this happiness thing supposed to work? I think I work too much. Not that work is bad but it leaves me with no time to do anything else. I should try something different. Maybe travel a bit. Backpacking should be fun, right? Three days will be perfect. Just let me finish this assignment and I’ll plan something. Next assignment, this is too interesting to leave. Next assignment, this is too interesting to leave. Next assignment, this is too interesting to leave…

Day x

Something is not right.

How exactly is this happiness thing supposed to work? Maybe it is a long term thing. I should slog, work hard, buy a home, secure my future, and then sit back and relax. Maybe then I will find happiness. How long do I do this? Till I reach where my boss is? He is 10 years away and doesn’t seem to be chilling out. His boss? His boss? His boss? I don’t have that long to live. Nobody has.

Day x+y

Something is not right.

How exactly is this happiness thing supposed to work? Am I already happy? Is this how it is? This is it? How do I know for sure? Happiness is too overrated, isn’t it? So what do I do now? Something is just not right. And I don’t know what.


The other day.

I just finished my assignment. The boss is satisfied by the result. I think I did well. I will sleep well tonight. Have a good long chat with someone. This feels so right.

Another.

That engine was growling too much, needed an oil change for a long time. And that steering wheel had to be straight. Finally got it done. Now it feels just right.

Yet Another.

Mom asked me to get the grocery from the store near my office. Had to get out in the noon in the heat when it is not too crowded but finally got it done. Thankfully she will not have to break her back carrying it herself. This is right. Just feels right.

So what do I want? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

gah!!!

I:             Going through my facebook profile. India won yet another world cup match against Pakistan. Its amazing how people who would never write a word, outperform the best writers when it comes to expressing their exhilaration.

Me:        Jealous, eh? Was only wondering whats burning in the room.

Heading Home (:D)

A trip to Rishikesh, sleepless nights, two sessional exams, seventy-something attendance, several presentations, politics, more sleepless nights, skipped breakfasts, one really bad Accounts paper and seven other average-ish papers and yet more sleepless nights, the New Year celebrations in the middle of exams, fights, 6pm chai time, walk after dinner in the freezing cold, and yet fucking more sleepless nights, the sem finally bids adieu.

Our college has been extremely generous to us in granting us a weeks’ leave; “the next sem is of a very short duration”, they say while describing our schedule from January to May. They will place us in some company for our summer internships, we’ll have some of the most important subjects of the course (Financial management and Electricity regulations just to name a few); the next sem is expected to be just as eventful if not more.

Well, I’ll leave it for after my holidays to worry about the next sem and as I head to Mumbai I’d rather spend my time in transit thinking about how to make my next week more fun. I am in the train, trying to pass my time, almost about to reach Mumbai and these are probably the most difficult 16 hours that I spent in the last 6 months if you exclude the 32 hours I spent in the train the last time I travelled to and from Mumbai. My back hurts now just like all other occasions when I assume acrobatic shapes while trying to fit myself on these berths. I am sharing the cabin with a peaceful couple(peaceful is a nice adjective for couples I think) and their 2 year old baby boy who has already learned to say mama (delhi girl working in Mumbai), papa (delhi boy working as a marketing manager for ET NOW in Mumbai), dudu, chappal and chai and another delhi guy, civil engineer, who is on his way to join SPJIMS for a 11 month exec. MBA program.

I write this hoping to make the most of my time spent in helplessness of being on the way and in desperation of not trying to think about my journey back. To make it more pleasant for me, I’ll have a good friends’ company then. Whew! That’s such a relieving thought even if they can’t do anything about my backache.

I am still half an hour away from my destination but I guess I’ll conclude. Lets see how this vacation turns out. I’ll worry about the new sem later. My train has just passed Virar. Now I am more interested to peep out of the window, see how much my city changed over the last few months that I have been away, if at all. MY city.

Whats in store

As unforeseeable and unpredictable as it may be, the future always has its own ways to moderate its shocks that it has in store for us. Although the inconsistencies are seldom ironed out - atleast as far as i am concerned - its always been a case of 'zor ka jhatka dheere se lage'. From where i am now, its almost unimaginable that i had been planning to go abroad for studies for more than a year. That i would end up here, not even the best soothsayers could have imagined just eight months ago.
Here i am and nowhere near the end.

On Writing

I :     Dude, your posts digress. You start with something and end donno where... average writing... learn how to write essays.
Me : My Blog, My Rules. Fuck off.

My Game...

I was ten years old. Six years older than my brother, six years younger than the best cricketer of my society, and had four years of experience in how to handle moderately pushy parents who had just the kind of neighbour that every ten year old should be vary of. Good in studies, loved swimming, liked sports, trained classical dancer, finished all the meals, ate all fruits..... and did i say, was good in studies too? Well, my parents just couldn't help but compare the two kids. After a failed attempt in making me learn swimming last vacations, it was time for some racquet sport. (i remember my swimming coach used to ask me to stand next to the pool and the moment he got half a chance, pushed the unsuspecting kid; read: me, who was busy watching other kids splashing in the pool, into the pool to give them company. Thankyou coach. You gave me a free membership of the Club of Hydrophobics for the next ten years). So my parents, to be fair this time, threw some chits to pick a sport for summer training. Tan-te-dan! and the sport that got lucky was Badminton aka 'baddy' aka same-sport-that-my-neighbour-enrolled-in-two-days-ago.

Anyway, i was excited. My new racquet had a gleaming silver shaft and a less gleaming, silvery green frame and i don't remember the colour of the strings. It weighed approximately three times as much as the racquet i now use and probably the same as my right hand. Cant tell you the exact figure but it left my dad poorer by Rs 60-Rs 80. I dont remember any day in particular during that summer coaching camp but clearly recall having broken my racquet. I must add here that this was the second time in my life that i had been introduced to a sport in which i just couldn't tolerate being beaten. The first was Cricket. Gully Cricket. I used to hate losing a baddy match so much that when i realized that i was losing to one (older) girl all the time i was totally convinced that its my racquet's fault. It was too much for me to tolerate and as a desperate measure, i decided to offer my racquet to the Gods as sacrifice. I got a new racquet. This one a DSC brand, wide body, blue coloured, steel shaft racquet and it set my dad back by Rs 350. I lost to her again.

Well, not only was this a sport i hated losing in, it was also a sport that i couldn't get enough of. If i lost one match, i had to win two to make up, which hardly happened. i lost more, i played more matches to recover from the debt, and days passed (those were the days of best of 3, fifteen points each game, old rules). When i was into my fourth month of training, i participated in a tournament. It was the second Thane District Selection championship. The draws were out maybe five days before the match. I realized, a day after i saw the draws, that my opponent was a classmate's big brother. My head held high, without any fear i told my classmate something that amounted to something between an open challenge and a warning. I don't remember having asked her to do the noble act of passing on the message to her brother, anyway, even that happened. He was down with fever for the next two days. In the meanwhile, things took a pleasant turn at my place. My dad bought me a Yonex kit bag and a Yonex Carbonex 21 special racquet. One of the best racquets of the time. (Honestly, what i felt when i got that racquet is I D E N T I C A L to what Harry Potter must have felt when he got his new Firebolt) Two minutes before the start of the match, i was sitting right next to my opponent on a chair waiting for a match on the same court to end. He was visibly nervous. I was unfazed. I even remember speaking to him but dont remember what. I was sure it was gonna be a walk in a park for me. No classmate's brother could ever beat me in the game i had been learning for 4 months. FOUR BLOODY LONG MONTHS!. He beat me 15-2, 15-0.

Normalcy prevailed and i got some valuable experience in how to handle losses. Although i still had difficulty holding back from throwing my racquet from the first court straight at a wall on the other side of the third court when i lost some must win matches, but i used to love my new racquet a little more than i cared for the Gods this time to offer it as a sacrifice. I played more tournaments, lost more matches, played even more and lost still more. Among the most memorable are the inter-school tournaments that i played. My best baddy buddy was from another school and the draws were always so fixed that i meet him in the finals. I always lost to him but playing him used to be such a pleasure. The competition between us was like that in an India-Pakistan Cricket match with the exception that we were great friends. I used to love that tournament more also because its the only tournament of which i remember reaching the finals.

Four years into the sport and i decided to train with the champions. I started going to Dadoji Konddev Staduim in Thane for training where more than half of the very best players of the time trained. I was in the eighth standard, thirteen years old and travelled an hour each side to and from the stadium after school on consecutive week days. On weekends the training used to last almost the entire day. Morning to evening. Truth be said, i have never worked harder in my life in anything compared to what i did in that one year. But too much of something is not good and the will to be a better baddy player started getting overpowered by the enthusiasm and fun in gully cricket. No love was lost; maybe i started realizing that i will not be able to make it big in the sport, besides i used to be constantly reminded that making it big in any sport in this country, no matter how big, is not big enough. Anyway i used to take long breaks during exams and recovering used to take time. I accepted that i wasn't born to be a professional sportsman. No tears shed. Since then i have been playing on and off, occasionally, whenever i have enough cash, time and energy to play. Time and energy have now taken a back seat. Whether or not i played baddy on a particular day depended on whether i had been able to save 50 bucks to spend for 2 hours of play. Now its 80. 130 on weekends.

On one occasion, while tossing the shuttle, as i completed the stroke, i realized the racquet didnt hit the shuttle at all, rather the shuttle fell on my head and the racquet on my partner's head while its handle was still in my hand. That was the last match i played with my carbonex 21. I bought an Ashway. Been using it for four years now. I am in my twelfth year of this relationship with the sport. I still hate losing. Theres a good likelihood that i am the loudest and probably the most animated player playing on the court at any given time. I still lose way too many matches than i think i should. I still try to win 2 matches for every game i lose. Or maybe 3 now.

So long, graduation.

After so long i return to my blog with full knowledge that no one missed me. To be honest i didnt miss blogging that much either. The only thing you really miss while your exams are going on is peace of mind.

Well, now that i have made it reasonably clear that i am not a great fan of blogging, though i dont mind doing it once in a while, its pretty obvious that only if i have something that i feel is really worthy of mention and display of my strictly average vocabulary to the world of writers, do i make the efforts. My English teacher would have told me that the above sentence is too long and needs to be broken down, besides i havent used the punctuations properly. Fuck her/him/it. I have something to say.

I have given all my exams in engineering. I am not a graduate yet and i wont call myself one till i get my results. Yes, its the 'not counting chickens before the eggs hatch' thing. I am not very sure about my last paper. But Benjamin Franklin said "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." and i would give it an honest try. 
SO.
The news is not that my exams are finally over, but that, so is my college. No sir, i am not emotional as some of my batch mates are pretending to be and neither will i ever be nostalgic about the place. I wasn't teary eyed when i realized while walking out of the gates that this might be the last time i have to do that; infact, i was on the ninth cloud and felt like running further away. I would have gotten into the nitty gritties of why i feel about the place the way i do but to be honest i dont feel its worth the effort. so fuck it.


So i hate my college but its over and i wont tell you why i hate it. I love the few real friends that i have made there but i wont go on an emotional rampage about that either. And yet i find it worth talking about this phase. this phase. yeah. thats right. 'this phase' is what i really want to talk about. and 'this phase' is what i really feel is worthy of this verbiage.


The thoughts that litter my brains these days are of vacationing during the few days that i have before i join my new college (i'll tell you more about it later), of reading a few novels, contributing a bit more to my blog, reading a few books/articles to familiarize myself with atleast the basics of business so that in my new (MBA) college i dont feel totally lost, of exercising a bit to lose the kilos that i have gained (thats usual. i think about it every vacation and the plans always go kaput), of travelling to a few places etc. The one thought that bothers me most is that 'this phase' is the tombstone of my youth (which i have mostly wasted, but i am not complaining yet). 'This phase' is a milestone that signifies the end of those days when all i did was motivated by either interest (everything and a bit of studying) or ear twisting (studying). Gone are those days when I carried carelessness and attitude in my shirt pocket. Now begins the time when i will be pitched against all the evil that there is and make a career out of something. I may be wrong but something tells me that the new college will be nothing short of a racetrack with better athletes than me on it and every day will begin with a gunshot. I wish i am wrong here, you see, i am inherently lazy. I know i will be working after 2 years. I know i will look back in time and wish that i could go back in time to live just one day of my engineering life. I hope my days in Delhi are just as good. I hope i look back in time and wish i could relive my days in the MBA college too. I hope.


I am not good at writing philosophy. If i were i would have added a few more paragraphs. But i conclude. Right now my brain seems to be confused so much so that it cant even decide which emotion to feel. I am sure when i read this as a thirty year old i might crack up. But i cant help it now.


PS: To my thirty year old self, dude, i hope you have earned a lot of money and hope you continue to do so. I hope you are married to a beautiful lady and that you keep her happy and she you.

Dear Diary - 8 Feb 2010

Me:    Dude, you played bad Badminton today.
I:         I know that I played. And don't stammer while you say it.
Me:     I did not stammer.
I:        Yes, you did. you said bad...bad...minton
Me:    Fuck you! i meant that you played badminton very badly!!!
I:        Oh... I know that too...

I like 'whos line is it anyway'

Colin Mochrie : Shakespeare said all the worlds a stage. i say you are crap!
Me : and i say you rock...

I : Pune trip cancelled. was too bored. Too much work...
Me: Fucking lazy bum...

Pune...

I:       Finally after 3 years i am going to Pune again... this time i wanna win the qualifiers...

ME: *adjusting the earphones* wha? you wanna win cauliflowers? in Pune?

I:       er... no. not exactly... qualifiers and cauliflowers dont have that much in common...

Apologies...

I: Hey guys, so sorry i have not been able to update my blog... been suffering from something like a writers block... but dont worry i am back...

ME: dude, they dont read your blog... no one does.. there are better things to do...

I: shut up! its for those who do... the loyal few...

ME: cough cough... the WHAT few?

Obitua'tree'

"No, I didn't like it." I said, wondering if I really meant what I said. The truth was actually that I absolutely hated it. I thought it was totally unnecessary and rather cruel of the rains and irresponsible on the part of the earth that bolstered it for years. My mom was talking about the great banyan tree that only a month ago stood in full glory inside the not-so-glorious compound of my building. When it fell, it took along with itself about 25 feet of the brick wall, half of the wrought iron grill of one of the flats in the neighborhood and left behind a handful of memories and an emptiness where it once stood that will always keep the memories alive.

The memories' strong tentacular grip tightened around me even more and pulled me into a well of nostalgia.
A little more than a decade ago, the tree was my best cricket buddy. It used to block all the balls hit in the air from going outside the compound (which was given out) when i batted and rebound them straight into my hands when i bowled. In the same match it could save boundaries, score runs, get wickets and do everything that the best of us could.
Behind its fatherly great trunk, under its motherly protective shade was the best place to hide in a game of hide and seek. We kids used to swing on its roots hanging from its branches; the picture almost resembling that of a family of a mother, a father and a toddler dangling between the two, holding one hand of each.
A honk or something got me back from the past into the present reality.

The tree really lived. It felt like we do. Probably the reason it decided to leave was that we all stopped visiting it, playing gleefully around it every evening. It punished us for not being there to give it company. It made us witness its fall, its execution, its mutilation and its journey to the graveyard.

common general knowledge

Scene 1
Date: 2nd or 3rd July 2009
In the R&D lab (why do they call it lab? i see no lab equipment there!)

Bulldozer: okay, we are here today to discuss about the upcoming magazine. (Lowers her voice) though we have absolutely no idea what it will have as of now, (raises her voice to normal) I am sure, we will have great minds pondering over it from the staff as well as the students in good time, now that the vacations are going on, many may be out, holidaying.... blah blah blah... but we have to keep in mind that we have limited time. (She had to pause. she is habituated to saying long sentences and realizing mid-way that if she doesn’t pause for breath, she may choke to her demise.) The main agenda of this meeting is to take the first step in the direction... blah blah blah... we need to have a theme. Anyone from the teachers who would like to say anything or would like to share ideas on the theme because thats what we want first, it being our first ever... blah blah (yaaaawwwn) blah... We will make sure students read it without having to force them (another pause for air). So would anyone like to say anything?

Anthill: (he had been for a very long time impatiently listening and waiting for a chance to speak. almost giving an impression to those who observed him that he was trying to hold back a rather loud 'call of nature') why don’t we have an article on cricket. I like the cricket. its nice game. IPL also. Students can write on it.

(I really didn’t know whether he had come up with the 'brilliant' idea out of his usual 'brilliance' or the apparent 'call of nature' made him sound stupid in the company of me and supposedly more intelligent staff. I sighed)

Bulldozer: err... Yes you are right, anthill, but we are at present more interested in the theme of the magazine and not so much on the content, although the kind of articles that will go will be largely determined by the theme, … blah blah blah.... nonetheless we will consider your idea but right now lets focus on the theme. (Inhales)

(Silence)

(57 seconds later)
Me: (out of the sheer need to break the silence) blah blah blah (its not important what I said. it does not make for a great reading anyway)

Bulldozer: yes, I think thats a good idea, the first one. Okay so rajat has come up with an idea and I think... blah blah blah... (Where does all the vocal energy come from I wondered)... I think we have something on our hands now, something that we can take into our next meeting, but I am sure some of you might have some ideas.... blah blah blah... (I was glad the air conditioner had been switched on).... so what do you think?

(Bulldozer points at one of the electrical teachers with her hand - in which she was also clutching a handkerchief - seeking her opinion. the moment the teacher saw that all eyes were on her, she froze as if voldemort himself cast a 'stupefy' curse upon her.)

Anthill: well how about an article on why students should take up sports and balance studies and play. I think in fr.agays college, students study a lot.(smiles and expects to be smiled back at. only receives looks that express ridicule) they should not study so much, I mean, they should also play. Its important.

(Now he just crossed that fine line between confusion and stupidity, from apparent confusion over to the other side. I would have him kicked out of the meeting i thought, if I were bulldozer. I also thought, if I were bulldozer, I would try resting my vocal muscles more often. I would never want to be anthill though. he proved that he is a daft.)

Bulldozer: (exasperated) oh yes anthill, we would like to have such wonderful articles in the magazine but lets now concentrate on the theme. Now you know.... blah blah blah.... (Anthill gave me another opportunity to curse bulldozer for the same reason. I am fed up of that voice now, I thought to myself)


Scene 2
Date: September 3, 2009
Room number 105

Bulldozer: so we.... blah blah blah.... ("I walk on a lonely road”, I was singing to myself, "the only one that I have ever known, dont know where it goes....").... so kaushik, what are the topics that you have short-listed?

kaushik: "ma'am, our visual theme would be a social networking site, we thought twitter would look nice.....blah blah blah.... covering all topics and some, more importantly, are coherent with our theme of 'India 2009'.....blah blah blah.... there are topics like spirituality and youth, development vs. environment, (bulldozer nodding her head each time in acknowledgment),automobiles: hybrid cars, best places to work, blah, blah,(i was listening to him even though I had heard him read out the list at least a hundred times before. he must have the list by-heart now, I thought.),food, common English language mistakes heard on campus (bulldozer interrupted: "yeah you could talk about hinglish also", I went "I walk on a lonely road....", in my head), relatively unknown websites (bulldozer interrupted again, " WHAT SITES!.....oh, unknown websites, I thought honeymoon websites...hahehehuhuhmmm),robotic insects, and there are more.

(I was glad that anthill had been absent for all meetings that I had attended after that first one. oh yeah, but this was my first student-teacher meeting after that one in which I had been the only student. I wondered why he suddenly decided to part ways with the magazine committee; he not in the least seemed uninterested just 2 months ago. Well I am not complaining.)

kaushik: "......electronic waste, Da Vinci Robot for medical operations, Windows 7, Google Chrome OS, etc, stealth technology, 3D technology - 3D TV, 3D printer, etc, electric musical instruments - zitar etc. "

(‘Chandelier’ was quite during most part of the meeting and hardly had any participation apart ('afart'...haha) from her occasional nods and "hmmm"s. there was a pause in the conversation and she suddenly spoke, making sure, or trying to make sure most people would not be able to hear her...)

Chandelier: what is social networking...(I thought I made a mistake... she might not have said that...obviously not.... she is a teacher from the IT dept. anyway.... all those who heard her seemed to be taken aback and one of them asked her to kindly repeat what she said....)...social networking...what...(I heard only this much. I hoped she did not mean to ask the meaning of social networking. The answer to her query was on how some companies are recruiting people on the basis of their orkut profiles and stuff...doesn’t answer "whats social networking?” I thought...so maybe she didn’t ask that at all... anthill may well be absent, but I certainly didn’t want his shoes being filled by someone else... sigh...)

(kaushik who was sitting right next to chandelier, later informed me that she actually asked about recruiting through social networking sites and not what these sites are....thank god, we said in harmony..... 'whats with common general knowledge?' I thought. 'I wish it wasn’t as rare among people. 'General knowledge' and 'common sense' already are.')

Force.....India?

"India finishes 2nd. First podium finish for India".......and i went WHAT!!????

are you kidding me? is there an Indian team in formula one? which one? that team called 'force India'? i wonder why that mallya guy calls it that. for publicity sake i guess, maybe he thinks that would make people back home feel that 'mallya is indeed patriotic', probably he thinks he can fool Indians into thinking that force India is indeed an Indian team making a mark in the world of motor sport..... wish i could read his mind, but since i cant, heres my speculation on how his brain works....

now, most of the teams in formula one in my opinion are either owned by brands that get a lot of publicity out of owning a formula one team, namely red bull and the likes or they are car manufacturers that are vying for the top spot for a rise in their sales. if i were given an option between a Ferrari and a Jaguar (price and specifications being the same) i would obviously pick a Ferrari. because jaguar doesn't have a formula one team and the one that Ferrari has is really good. I'd hope that some of their formula one expertise would trickle down to its road cars as well.

i do not buy kingfisher airlines tickets and nor does anyone else because its owner also has a formula one team. i don't think he (vijay mallya) believes that motor sport enthusiasts have suddenly developed a taste for kingfisher soda (and other assorted beverages) after his success in formula one. so, in my opinion, all vijay mallya is doing, is living his motor sport fantasies, and how!!! indeed, money hai, toh honey hai...!!!

i wish he spent some moolah on education here in India. unfortunately people here have to work many times more than he does to sport a 'Dr.' before their names. what an irony. a businessman who makes money out of alcohol and tobacco and airlines thats not for the commoners and spends a fortune on his love of motor sport is touted as a patriot and gets a seat in the rajya sabha. if i even as much as express my wish to pursue my higher education abroad, questions like, "why abroad and why not India?" and "why private sector and why not govt job?" are immediately raised.

fresh food

he: "who are you calling?"
me: "no one in particular. just giving a missed call home so that mom knows i will be home in 5 minutes"
he: "and?"
me: "and mom will start making rotis for me so that i dont have to wait and a can finish it off and head back on time"
its nice to have your college so close to your home i thought for the gazillionth time since i joined the god forbidden college of mine.
on my way home i meet some usual people, people who seem to be there just to see me walk past them during the lunch break, some of those dont seem to be around any other time i pass that way. a perfume vendor who lays ground right at the gate of noor masjid, a little further a few taxi wallas at the edge of the road, near the turn, about halfway down the road, a great black dog (forgive me for the lack of knowledge of their breeds) has taken a liking to barking at a hungry stomach (on my way back he behaves like a perfect gentledog).

so i reach home and tune in to nat geo. "so much for national pride" i heard Paul Merton say while getting out for the 24th time in front of the wickets and 1st time without being blindfolded in a game of cricket......of the blind.

Paul Mertons is the only show on nat geo and similar channels about the life in India that i have ever liked. its, in my books, somewhere between 'dogfights' and 'international terrorism since...' on the 'i like it' scale.

In this particular show, Paul Merton is taken for a visit to some place in Rajasthan by an RJ. the peregrination starts from the radio station (where Paul Merton gets a lesson on Hinglish) to a seemingly small place similar in 'the feel' of a hospital. -I HATE HOSPITALS- . its a place where the disabled, particularly those who lost their limb/s or never had them from birth get an artificial one fitted. they say that its among the first places that started work on prosthetic limbs and the cheapest place to get yourself a prosthetic limb. yes. cheapest on earth. its free of cost. and from taking measurements to fabricating the prosthetic limb to fitting the artificial limb, just takes about an hour or so.

so this little boy (probably 9-10 years old by the looks) had a leg less (donno if it was right or left) from birth. got his measurements done and in no time his long lost friend, this one in plastic, was presented to him. he didnt waste a second in strapping it to whatever part of the leg he had in flesh and off he went. i had read in my English text book in school about Sudha Chandran who lost her leg in an accident and later had great difficulty in performing with the prosthetic, mostly because of the pain. and some pain it was. and yet, i saw, the boy did not walk. his firs steps on two feet were a sprint. Usain Bolt wouldnt have felt as happy on his victory, i thought, as that little boy must be feeling now. and yet the boy seemed to carry an expression that said "uh, this? so what? big deal..!!".

but surely he must have been very happy. yeah surely. even i was. and did i feel tears in my eyes? no cant be. i was irritated by the lectures. i was frustrated. "oh, what medicines make me do!". thought i better finish my lunch before i get too late.

sodium chloride

"The NaCl conditions are given to you in the froblem. Now if the saap rotates by......" he went and i wondered if it will ever end. this was obviously not the beginning of the lecture; it was more towards the end. i wished the design data books of all my mechanical engineer brothers and sis....erm.....brothers could just disappear and take him along. i felt helpless, and irritated even more. yes. irritated. frustrated. i knew i was frustrated. and i have a suspicion that its got something to do with my medicines. medicines....yeah....medicines. shit. i hate hospitals. i hate doctors(not the pretty ones who are still studying but those who look at me in the face and immediately conclude that i need a blood test). blood tests, i hate them.

bloody blood tests! whats the need to take so much blood? two bloody test tubes! you starting a charitable trust for vampires or what? i had a swab test done too. just 3 quick swabs of my saliva from the throat.......they did not ask me to spit 2 test tubes full! why, i wouldn't mind doing that if they had asked me.....you dont almost faint after spitting 2 test tubes full, or so i believe. "NaCl....ly the saap is at rest. bhen its starts moving,......", he went on.